


Perceptions

by sidebyside_archivist



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-09-01
Updated: 2000-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25581499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidebyside_archivist/pseuds/sidebyside_archivist
Summary: Spock overhears Kirk telling McCoy he has a crush on Spock.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Kudos: 84
Collections: Kirk/Spock Online Festival (KSOF) 2000





	Perceptions

**Author's Note:**

> Note from LadyKardasi and Sahviere, the archivists: this story was originally archived at [Side by Side](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Side_by_Side_\(Star_Trek:_TOS_zine\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2020. We tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Side by Side’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sidebyside/profile).

Spock was lying on his stomach with his feet hanging over the edge of his bed, his head resting on his forearms.

 _Vulcans do not get headaches. I am a Vulcan. Therefore, I do not get headaches._ His mind had been repeating the mantra for hours, but he had been unable to control the mounting pain. 

His time sense told him that it was 0147 hours. If he hurried to sickbay he could be back in time for a good four hours of meditation before he had to shower and get prepared for his shift. He walked over to the neatly folded undershirt he had set on the desk, and pulled it over his head, then slipped on his boots.

He would not seek out McCoy for the medication needed. McCoy would most likely ask many intrusive questions that Spock did not wish to answer until he had had time to meditate on them. This was logical since the questions would most likely add to the pain that was growing behind his eyes. He would much rather seek out Nurse Chapel that he could persuade to administer the medication discreetly. Besides, he told himself, waking McCoy for nothing more than a headache, was reason enough for avoidance.

When he believed himself to be presentable, he stepped out of his cabin into the corridor that was dimmed by 'ship's night'. He was thankful that there was no one around to see his slight state of disarray. 

When the turbolift deposited him at the appropriate deck he stole down the corridor to Sickbay. He was certain that Nurse Chapel was on duty this shift and was searching for her when he heard someone enter Sickbay. Though his actions would later puzzle him he slipped around the corner into the diagnostic room. A moment later he heard the voices of his captain and the CMO as they walked into the doctor's office, talking and laughing. When he could once again breathe, he heard his captain's words.

* * * * *

Jim and McCoy strolled along the corridor. They had been in Jim's quarters having a few drinks, just having an all out good time. McCoy decided that he would like to break out a bottle of "somethin'" new and that's where they were headed.

'Perhaps Jim's had a few too many--but dammit--when you're having a good time with one of your best friends (especially with Leonard H. McCoy) who the hell could blame ya.'

"And wouldn'tchew know it", McCoy drawled " She up and flat out told the guy that she was leavin' him for his brother. That guy went out and torched his own brother's brand new flitter. I'll be damned if seein' that heap o' metal sittin' by the side o' the road wasn't the funniest thing in the whole world. Hell of a confession she made."

"Mmm. I doubt it's anything like the confession I overheard the other day." Jim chuckled "I was taking a walk down in the arboray, the arbra, the..." Jim paused and straightened. "where the trees and plants grow! I was strolling down a path and I decided to sit down and relax for awhile. I could'a sat on the bench near me but I opted for something a little more... secluded. So... I ducked behind a tree to sit against the other side of the trunk. Well, I'd been sitting there for maybe ten or fifteen minutes when I hear Uhura and Christine Chapel's voices pretty clearly. Apparently they'd taken up the bench that I'd passed up. And wouldn't you guess they were talkin' about our friend Spock." They staggered into Sickbay making a beeline for McCoy's office. "And I'm thinking: Oh _Shit!_ " ! They both laughed as they clunked into the office and shut the door. "And I swear Chapel says:" and here Kirk deepens his voice seriously and says,"' But Nyota . . . every time I look at Spock my stomach does flip-flops. I wanna hold him so badly and just feel him there in my arms. I don't know. I think it's more than a silly crush." 

There was a pause and then McCoy spoke.

"Well I'll be damned! Finally outright and said it, did she! I'll be damned!"

"Sure is amazing, isn't it? I mean, I always knew; we all did. I just thought it was one of those things that everybody knows and nobody talks about."

* * * * *

"Every time I look at Spock my stomach does flip-flops. I wanna hold him so badly and just feel him there in my arms. I don't know. I think it's more than a silly crush." Jim's voice stated sincerely, though a bit hoarse.

Spock turned and walked as fast as he could out of Sickbay.

* * * * *

When Spock was back in his quarters, his headache was full on throbbing, and he sat on the edge of his bed staring ahead for an indeterminate amount of time before lying down, on the bed. He let his thoughts flow. ' How can this be? Jim is redundantly heterosexual. Is he not? Though he has been with many women I have never known him to be with a man. What am I to do? The whole situation is illogical. Why am I even considering doing anything? I am a Vulcan. I must not destroy my friendship with Jim. But what will cause more damage, ignoring what I know, or acknowledging that I am aware of Jim's feelings for me, or the fact that I-. But I do not. Vulcans are masters of their feelings.

With such thoughts forming a giant loop in his mind, Spock drifted off into a restless sleep.

* * * * *

Spock was late. Spock was _never_ late. Where the hell was he!? The turbolift doors opened and Jim knew without looking that Spock had finally arrived, nearly _five_ minutes late. That was practically forever where Spock was concerned.

"I apologize, Captain, for my tardiness. I shall strive to be on time hence forth."

"Yes of course, Spock. I was beginning worry there for a moment."

"I assure you, sir, there is nothing to be concerned about."

"I see. Well, you may of course tend to your duties."

"Thank you, Captain."

"Oh! And Spock, please _do_ make sure that you are here on time from now on."

"Yes, sir."

Was it just him, Jim wondered, or did Spock seem a little more stoic than usual? Perhaps he should invite Spock over for dinner and chess tonight, just to make sure that there was nothing wrong. If his headache ever eased up enough for him to think.

* * * * *

When Spock arrived at his quarters his message box was blinking.

"Computer, play messages."

"Working. First message. Title: Results of Quantum Physics Test Code Name: Spock Beta II. Using test variable code name-"

"Computer, save message in file labeled: Quantum Physics, under heading: Spock Beta II. Play next message."

"Working. Final message. Title: Hi Spock! 'Hi Spock. I was wondering if you would like to come to my quarters tonight for a game of chess. I'll even serve dinner if you show up early enough.'" Jim's voice played over the computer, "'Let me know one way or another. Kirk out.'" 

Spock sighed, it was the same thing they had done many nights before, but all of the sudden it seemed different. He could hardly refuse; Jim would definitely suspect that something was up if he did that. Spock all but cursed himself for not showing up for his shift on time.

What if Jim suspected that Spock had overheard the conversation. 

_Would it actually be so bad if he does._

__

__Now where had that come from? Surely it  
would. Jim would expect some kind of response; possibly even reciprocity of the  
feeling! 

_And would that be so bad?_

What? Of course it would. Wouldn't it? It was not as though Spock had never even considered...

__

What do you think those little bouts of headaches were over.

 __Well certainly not that!

_Or could it be,_ Spock thought, _That I could feel that way toward Jim? Surely not!_ Spock began to pace. _This cannot be. I must meditate. This means I must decline Jim's offer...So be it._

Spock's message that he left with the captain's computer stated that he would be unavailable tonight, and that he would be occupied with a current project. This was not an entire untruth since Spock intended to at least go over and categorize the results of his Quantum Physics experiment.

After finishing his work on the experiment, Spock dressed in his black robe and knelt before the fire pot. He was able to achieve the first two levels of meditation with little difficulty, but had to struggle to attain the fourth level. Then he forced himself to stop and make due. He guided his thoughts towards Jim, and the conversation he had overheard.

Spock began to see the patterns in his own behavior. He saw the possibility of sharing in a relationship with Jim. Something much more than the friendship they had shared for so long. How could he--tall, skinny, half-caste Spock--ever have managed to win the attentions of such a wonderful person as Jim? It was almost enough to overjoy him. _Jim_ actually liked him in that way; like, maybe, a lover. _Jim!_ The next morning Spock arrived promptly for his shift.

* * * * *

There was a change in Spock since the previous day, Jim could see that the moment the Vulcan stepped onto the bridge. His mood seemed lighter than yesterday. In fact he seemed a little more aproachable than he normally did. 

_Oh well_ , the captain sighed to himself. This Spock was certainly more pleasant to have around than yesterday's rigid Vulcan.

"Captain, I apologize for not being available last night. However, if you would like, I am free this evening for the activities you suggested."

"Sure Spock, that'd be great. I'll see you in my quarters at 1900 hours?"

"Yes, Captain, that will be fine."

After his shift was over, Spock retired to his room to prepare for his meeting with the captain. He decided that the best thing was to come right out and tell the truth about how he had overheard the conversation, and that the feelings were mutual. Of course he realized it would not be so simple. 

He meditated for a time, then showered and put on some civilian dress. Since the captain's cabin was right next to his own it would not take long to get there. He paced away the minutes--thinking of what he might say--until it was 18:59.

* * * * *

The door buzzed.

"Come on in, Spock." Jim called.

He was still setting up the chessboard that they would be playing with after dinner. He glanced up to see Spock walking in wearing civilian attire. Specificaly, he was wearing a dark purple tunic and loose cut black pants that looked like silk. Now there was something he didn't see everyday. Jim noticed that his pulse had sped up by a few beats, and wondered why.

_Because, if Spock ever managed to look more mysterious, you'd wonder if it truly was Spock, J.T.K._

__

__He shoved the thought away as quickly as he  
had thought it. Now that was pure silliness.

"Well Spock, what would you like to have for dinner?"

" Lasagna would be nice, Jim."

_Ah, good--it was Jim this time_. Sometimes he had to remind Spock to call him Jim when they were off duty.

They hardly spoke a word throughout the meal, but the silence was one of companionship. Jim scarfed down the lasagnia; he was starving because he had not eaten lunch and only a small breakfast. However, he did make time to steal glances at Spock, who ate in his normal meticulous way. Once Jim had put the dishes in the recycler, they sat down to a game of chess.

Spock decided that it was the appropriate time to bring up the subject he had intended to dicuss.

"Jim, there is something I wish to talk to you about."

"Hmm?" Jim looked up, thinking that Spock looked really nice in civvies. They accentuated Spock's dark eyes and hair. The shirt--which seemed to be made of some sort of velvet--fit snuggly so that you could just catch a glimpse of his muscles when he moved.

Spock seemed to figit for a moment before charging on. He swallowed a few times before he spoke. "It would be better if you allowed me say this free of interruptions." Jim looked up and stared curiously into Spock's eyes. "The other day I overheard your conversation with the doctor. In his office." This was most odd, Jim could not figure out what Spock was talking about. His brow furrowed as he attempted to puzzle out the meaning of his friend's words. Spock looked as if he had decided something, and then spoke. "I heard you speaking to McCoy. I heard you when you said that you 'wished to hold me' and that you thought that it was more than a crush. Do you not remember?"

Slowly it dawned on Jim just what conversation it was Spock was speaking of.

"I only wished to say... Jim... that the sentiments can be mutual."

"Spock-"

"Please don't speak, Jim, I understand. I too could not believe it was so."

"That's probably because it's not Spock." Jim was shocked, his mouth was gaping open and he seemed to stumble over what he was trying to say. He looked as though he wanted to say something more but couldn't find the words. 

"What?" Spock's heart began to sag and he could feel the heat rising in his cheeks.

"Spock, I was repeating something to McCoy that Nurse Chapel had said to Uhura. What I said was not coming straight from my mouth. I'm s-"

"I apologize, Captain, for any discomfort that I may have caused you." Spock's cold voice interrupted. With that he was gone before Jim had time to stop him.

* * * * *

The next day Jim received a transfer request. It came as no surprise to him, nevertheless, his stomach tied into a thousand knots, his breath shortened and a feeling of panic came over him at the thought of losing Spock. Jim had spent the night beating himself up for what he had said. He kicked himself for passing up an incredible chance to tell Spock how he truly felt. He had wanted to be with Spock for a long time now, but had thought it impossible with Spock's Vulcan logic in the way. Jim had been certain that the only reasons that Vulcans created relationships was for procreational purposes.

Jim would not--simply could not--stand by and allow Spock to just waltz right out of his life. No. He had lost too many people in his life. He was not going to lose the one man he loved with all his heart, the one person he had left who actually understood him.

Jim stood up and left his quarters. He walked right next door. He didn't bother to signal, but simply used his command override.

* * * * *

Spock jumped when Jim entered his cabin. He had been contemplating the effects of what he was about to do when Jim arrived.

"Jim-"

"Shut up, Spock. Just shut up. If you think that I'm going to let you just walk out of my life you've got another thing coming. I have never done anything to you that could be considered rude. I have loved and accepted you since the moment we became friends and I will always feel the same way. You are the best friend I have ever had. You are my bother, even more so than my biological brother ever was." Jim paused and drew in a few harsh breaths, his eyes shining in the dim light. He corageously went on. "I have wanted you to be my lover since the first moment I laid eyes on you. I love you. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you go without a fight!"

Spock's mouth dropped open and his eyes became big.

"True?"

"Yes, Spock, very true."

"You consider me your brother?"

"And friend, and hopefully lover. I have wanted you for so long, but I never even considered it to be possible. I never thought you could be with me in such a way. When you sat in my cabin last night and said what you did my mind went blank; nothing made sense. The only thing I could think of was to explain your misinterpretation. I am sorry if you felt rejected; that was not what I intended. Please, Spock give me another chance to say what I should have said last night. Please. I'm sorry."

"No, Jim, I am sorry. I am sorry I ran away, I am sorry I jumped to conclusions, and I am sorry I didn't even consider your feelings. I thought that you would be unbearably disgusted, and that you would never wish to see me again. I am a coward, and a fool, for not seeing that had you not been interested in such a manner you still would not have thrown me out."

"Spock, oh, Spock." Jim stepped forward and placed a hand on each of Spock's cheeks. Spock's throat constricted and his jaw muscles tightened. With Jim's hands on his face, Spock could feel what Jim was feeling; he added it to his own feelings. "I could never 'throw you out'. It is because of you that I am still 'in'. When I came to this ship, when I came to you, I was burning up fast. I had risen too fast and I was bound to fall. You saved me. I will forever be grateful to you for that. For everything. Spock, I promise you, I will never intentionally do anything to hurt-"

The words died on Jim's lips as Spock's mouth covered his. Jim found his lips pressed against the soft dry heat of Spock's. Those hot Vulcan lips massaged his, pulled at his, teasingly as they both wrapped their arms around each other, pulling the other closer. Jim's tongue slid from between his lips to trace the edges of Spock's, then withdrew back into his mouth. Fire shot through Spock. For a moment couldn't think. He wanted Jim's tongue to finish what it had started. They continued to kiss, simply pressing at and massaging each other's lips. Then Spock's tongue left his mouth and pressed against the crease of Jim's . Jim's lips parted as he sighed. Spock's tongue gained admittance easily. Jim's mouth was a cool haven. Jim moaned and pressed his mouth harder against Spock's. The&! nbsp;First Officer swiped his tongue quickly over Jim's teeth then moved passed them and up. Jim gasped slightly at the stimulation and moved his tongue to meet Spock's. They shifted to see if they could draw each other any closer. 

* * * * *

It was only then that Kirk felt the hardness at the Vulcan's crotch. Spock's breath was ragged as Jim cupped the Vulcan's taut buttocks and pulled Spock tight against his hip, making Spock moan. His breath came more raggedly. Jim chuckled, softly, and deep in the back of his throat. He pulled away to admire Spock's sexy and exotic beauty. Spock's face and lips were flushed from kissing, and with his pointed ears and upswept eyebrows, he looked like a pagan god. Jim removed Spock's blue tunic but lift the black undershirt so that Spock stood before him totally adorned in black. It only enhanced the effect, with his muscles visible through the shirt. Jim ran his fingers down the sides of Spock's chest to his hips. He glanced up into Spock's eyes, and saw the Vulcan's desperate need.

"It's all right", he whispered as he slid down on his knees in front of Spock, careful of his own engorged member. He placed his hot, open mouth on Spock's crotch and ran his tongue over the Vulcan's erection. He moved slowly to allow the hot wetness to seep through the cloth. Spock was facing forward and Kirk saw that he was fighting not to gasp. Kirk peeled away Spock's slacks leaving the Vulcan standing in his tight black T-shirt and a pair of small, black briefs that were damp with Jim's saliva and Spock's pre-ejaculate. 

Jim stood and slowly, methodically stripped. He burned for Spock but he made himself take it slow. He could feel the coolness of the air on his skin, so he pulled Spock close, wrapping his arms around him and making the Vulcan gasp as their erections ground together. He lifted Spock's arms and pulled off the T-shirt. Heatedly, he kissed Spock. He began to suckle softly and nibble at the base of Spock's neck. Spock's breath became choppy and he trembled in Jim's arms. Jim ran his left hand up Spock's back to tangle in the soft and silky black hair and pulled Spock's head down to his for the deepest kiss Spock had ever received. Just as he did, he ran his hand down to Spock's thigh and slid his fingers through the gaping leg hole into the forest of thick black curls that grew between the Vulcan's legs. He massaged Spock's scrotum wi! th his fingers. Spock bucked against him, and tried to moan through their kiss but Jim simply deepened it and deepened the massage. Spock wrenched his head back and moaned loudly, gasping for air. Jim hooked one foot around the back of the Vulcan's efficiently spreading Spock's legs.

He slowly kissed a trail down the dark path of hair that ran down Spock's chest and stomach to disappear under the briefs. He slid his tongue just below the top, drawing a deep groan from Spock. It drove Jim crazy, knowing that he could bring those sounds out of his Vulcan. He withdrew his fingers which had still been petting the Vulcan's scrotum and fiercely tore the article away. He was immediately confronted with the Vulcan's straining erection. Jim's tongue slowly flicked over the double ridged-head. Spock's breath came now in gasps. Jim drew the rest of Spock into him and swallowed the hard, hot, Vulcan, cock. 

"Oohhh, Jiiim" Spock moaned his pleasure. Jim drew the head of the cock back out into his mouth and sucked as hard as he could. Spock grabbed the back of Jim's head pulling him closer. He screamed as he came, shuddering into his captains mouth. Spock's head lulled back in obvious satisfaction, and he continued to gasp for air, as Jim drew him into his arms. 

He and Spock fell together and pulled each other as close as possible. Spock was beginning to calm and Jim kissed his eyes and mouth.

"I've never ... experienced anything like that before." Spock gasped, he could feel Jim's erection pressing against his leg. "Oh, Jim ... I still want you, need you." He looked pleadingly into the golden eyes.

A smile spread over Jim's face, small but enticing. He pulled Spock close, pressing his hardness against his lover's hip. He drew their heads close and kissed Spock tenderly. 

The Vulcan instantly surrendered. He rolled Spock onto his back, still deep in the kiss, and pressed his knee between Spock's legs to part them. He could not believe that it was Spock he was doing these things to. That knowledge overjoyed him. He pulled his lips away and squirmed down so that his hands grasped the Vulcan's ankles and pushed his legs up and apart. With the light pouring down perfectly, Jim beheld Spock in his entirety like he could not before. He glanced up into the Vulcan's eyes. They were filled only with desire and he seemed unabashed at the impropriety of his position. Kirk's eyes then traveled down to the thick dark thatch of hair that truly did grow wild. He stared shortly at the recent object of his affections.

He ran his fingers through the curls lubricating them with the remnants of their previous love making, then slid his fingers lower between the cheeks of the Vulcan's ass. With his index finger he slowly, penetrated the entrance. Spock was incredibly tight.

* * * * *

Spock gritted his teeth and tried not to tighten his buttocks. He could feel Jim's fingers wiggle, then begin to draw in and out more quickly each time. Spock moaned as Jim added another finger. When he added a third and managed to touch Spock's prostate the Vulcan's cock rose and hardened and his hips began to jerk.

"Jim ... oh, Jim. Please." Spock groaned, he whined, he begged, he brutally thrust away what bare shreds of dignity remained and loudly sobbed his captain's name. He got what he wanted. 

Jim withdrew his fingers and wrapped his arms around Spock's waist. Lowering his body over Spock's, he swirled his tongue over the Vulcan's navel. He slid up, placing fiery kisses from Spock's abdomen to his chest, where Jim nibbled and suckled at Spock's nipple. The head of his captain's cock nudged spock's quivering entrance.

Jim looked into Spock's face, the Vulcan could see the love shining from his lover's eyes.

"You are beautiful." Jim whispered. Spock looked shyly into Jim's eyes. He needed Jim greatly; he needed to be loved. Spock felt his captain slide forward, and open Spock's virgin territory.

Spock grabbed at the carpet, scarcely realizing that they had never made it to the bed, it was fine by him. Jim slid forward, sliding himself deeper into Spock. When his lips reached Spock's chin he stopped to allow Spock to adjust. 

Spock could feel Jim's breath, warm just below his own lips. He needed Jim's lips on his. Badly. Jim seemed to read his mind and quickly thrust into Spock, telling the Vulcan what he needed to hear. "I love you", and suddenly their mouths were intertwined as all energy became kinetic. Spock's arms and legs wound and locked around Jim. He rolled over, and positioning Jim beneath him, proceeded to ride his Captain for all he was worth. He began to grind himself into his captain who bucked up against him.

Jim was in heaven; Spock's long legs were still held locked around him and their mouths were intertwined as they tongue fucked each other. He could feel Spock's balls and cock rubbing against his abdomen, it felt very good but he was sure Spock was in hell. He tried to get a hand between them to ease the Vulcan's tension but Spock wouldn't give an inch, he wouldn't have anything between them. So Jim just rocked him, realizing that Spock needed blindly, and decided to give him all he could. He slowed their pace to a steady rhythm and broke the kiss.

Spock moved his lips from Jim's and placed their cheeks together, his own lips right along Jim's ear. He rocked with Jim, hugging him, more vulnerable and unmasked than he had been since he was a child. He met his captain, thrust for thrust. The only sounds in the room were the slapping of their skin and the deep throated groans emitting from both men. Spock held on to Jim, his love for Kirk coarsing through him. Though he was not prone to wishing, the first officer wished with all his might that he could always have Jim. Spock uttered the words in a voice that was small, scared, begging, and so beautiful, "Jim, I love you". Spock unlocked his arms from around Jim and pressed himself upward. His hands holding onto Jim's shoulders, he pushed himself up into a semi-sitting position without breaking the rhythm. The back of Jim's legs came up to hold him. ! ; Spock moaned with each of Jim's soft thrusts. He sat back leaning against Jim's legs so that they both had a clear view of the other as they fucked. 

Spock was very hard, and very large. The Vulcan took a single finger and touched the head of his own cock. He ran it from the head to the base, then repeated the action using all four fingers and tucking his thumb against his palm. He stroked himself then wiped a bead of pre-cum around the head. He moaned deeply as he began to fondle his penis and balls in all the right places, massaging his scrotum as he squeezed himself. He looked into Jim's eyes watching his friend watch him. It was the most erotic thing Jim had ever imagined - seeing _Spock_ do such things - let alone while someone was watching. 

"Spock, if you don't stop, I'll come." Kirk gasped. 

Spock allowed a small enticing smile to grace his lips and a mischievous twinkle to spark his eyes, "I thought that was our intent, Jim."

Kirk groaned when Spock punctuated his sentence by licking his lips. Jim grabbed Spock's cock in his own hand and began pumping it. Spock proceeded to throw his head back and groan loudly.

Jim chuckled, barely in control, himself, "Yeah, you like that don't you?" In response his Vulcan purred. That was it, Jim realized he was going to come. Soon. And judging by the incredible sound coming from Spock's throat and the amount of wet fire seeping from Spock's cock, the feeling was mutual. Jim pulled Spock down on top of him. Spock's bony knees were digging into his underarms he noted somewhere in the back of his mind, but he was in no discomfort. 

All coherent thought quickly fled. Leaving Spock's cock mashed between their bellies, he grabbed the Vulcan's hips and they were soon slamming into one another, pounding as hard as they could, and making quite a bit of noise.

"Say my name, Spock. Say it." He could feel his orgasm taking him and more than anything he wanted to hear his best friend and lover say his name as they came.

"Jim. Jim.", Spock complied, gasping his lovers name with every thrust that pounded into him, " _Ohhhh_. JIM!!"

Jim came, when he felt Spock's muscles tighten around him.

The feeling of Jim's jerking cock, releasing inside him, filling him with incredible heat, made Spock's own precious, fire hot, Vulcan semen burst through his wildly dancing cock and he cried out Jim's name on the top of his lungs and fell gasping into his lover's arms where they rocked each other to sleep.

* * * * *

They stayed on the floor for some time, sleeping in the aftermath of their lovemaking before they stumbled into Spock's bed and finished the night cuddling in their sleep. Spock never thought he would have enjoyed cuddling quite as much as he did, but then again, where Jim was involved...

Spock awoke first and lay marveling at the insanity of being with such an incredible man. He quickly reminded himself that it would not last. It simply could not; none of Jim's relationships did. No matter how much Spock longed to awake each morning to the sight of Jim. He wished to share a bond with the man he loved, to put an end to the hollow ache that had always resided within his soul. No matter how much he longed he knew it was simply too good to be true. He thought he had accepted that losing Jim eventually would be the case. Why then did his throat constrict and his jaw involuntarily tighten when he glanced at the man lying next to him, and knew that all his troubles would fade if Jim would only smile at him? 

"Good morning, Spock." Jim looked up and smiled at his lover. Spock glanced away. He simply could not bear to see his dreams lifted and then crushed in the eyes of his love.

_Of course!,_ Jim thought, _J.T.K. you're such a fool. Spock is Vulcan. He doesn't want a human relationship. He's probably not allowed to. I shouldn't have stayed._

"Perhaps I should go to my quarters now." Jim whispered.

"If you wish it." 

_What I really want to do_ , Jim thought, _is wrap you in my arms and hold you for all eternity._ But of course such a thing would never have appealed to his friend. 

* * * * *

"Perhaps I should go to my quarters now." Jim whispered.

Spock knew Jim's habits, after all he had lived next to the man for nearly two years. Of course Jim would leave now. He should have expected it. Nevertheless hearing it hurt more than Spock would admit.

"If you wish it."

Jim got up and slipped on his pants and tunic while Spock watched him. More than anything Spock wished Jim would crawl back in bed so that he could wrap himself around that golden, muscular body and fall back to sleep. He pushed the thought away and looked down. 

Jim finished by putting on his boots. He stood up to leave. Spock glanced up to see the retreating back almost at the link divider that separated the bedroom from the rest of his quarters, and he knew that nothing would ever be the same, he could never take _any_ of it back, nor did he want to. The decision was made.

* * * * *

Jim was at the mesh divider when he heard the voice, deep and strong.

"Did you mean it?"

Jim turned around to find Spock looking at him with serious and imploring eyes. They were the eyes Spock got once he had made up his mind, nothing like the vulnerable eyes he had seen last night. The voice spoke again, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Last night, when you said-"

"I love you." It dawned on Jim what Spock was talking about. To bad if Spock did not want what Jim did. It remained that Jim wanted it. He knew that he had gone too far to settle for anything less. He was putting everything on the line, but he had no choice.

"Yes. I meant it. I love you." He walked back to the bed and stood before it. "I love you, Spock."

Before Jim knew it, Spock's arms were around his waist and his face buried in Jim's stomach. He didn't need the words, as he could now recall them from the night before. Spock loved him. He tangled his fingers in the Vulcan's hair, stroking the black silk. They were tangled in Spock's bed within minutes, Jim's clothes lost somewhere outside of the reality they created for themselves that day.

On that day, the captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise did not make the Alpha shift; apparently the first officer suffered from the same affliction.

**Author's Note:**

> Challenge:  
> Spock overhears a conversation between Kirk and McCoy and finds out Kirk's got a crush on him.


End file.
